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Maternity leave is not a temporary pause in life nor is it a short holiday for any mom. The first few months of a child’s life is not exactly a paid break, so to speak, but rather a season of sleepless nights, challenging life adjustments and emotional upheaval. And then it’s back to work, and things will be vastly different.
Identity change
Childbirth is not a segue from life’s pre-baby linear path. Instead, psychologist Mpho Ashley Motene of the South African College of Applied Psychology said that becoming a mother completely rewrites the script for work and career. She said it is one of the most profound identity transitions many women experience, yet it is rarely recognised as such.
“She’s not just coming back to a job,” Motene said. “She’s renegotiating who she is, what matters most now, and how she shows up in a world that often expects her to slot back into the rhythm of work as if she has not changed what she values the most in life.”
From the outside, it may look like a logistical adjustment. Inside, it is an identity change.
Many working mothers describe feeling as if they must prove themselves all over again. Motene said this sense of diminished competence or commitment often grows in subtle ways. The inability to work overtime, the need for additional breaks to express milk, or the pressure to catch up on months of missed work can create the impression of reduced commitment.
“These imposed perceptions can stem from a culture of high work performance expectations that do not regard differing personal circumstances,” she said.
Perception is not reality
Constant availability at work these days is equated with ambition, and thus any new baby-impacted boundary can be misread as personal decline. Over time, those signals begin to turn inward, and women may start questioning their own professional relevance, even when their capability has not changed.
The so-called motherhood penalty persists, Motene said, despite legal protections. Being sidelined, overlooked, or treated as less ambitious can eventually chip away at confidence and self-worth.
“When ambition is questioned or growth slows without explanation, women often begin to doubt their own professional relevance,” she said.
Some women also return to work only to find key responsibilities reassigned or their influence reduced. Motene said that loss of status can feel like an erosion of professional identity, “not because women care less, but because the system has subtly signalled that they now have less to offer”.
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Layer that onto the emotional intensity of the postnatal period. The months after birth are marked by exhaustion, hormonal changes, and a steep learning curve. Workplace pressure can heighten anxiety and erode emotional resilience, she noted.
“Women can start to feel as though they’re failing in every direction, especially when empathy and practical support is lacking,” Motene said.
And then there is guilt. Feelings about leaving a child, guilt about stepping back at work or not doing either perfectly.
“No matter where they are, they feel they should be somewhere else and meeting the needs of everybody else but themselves,” she added.
Carrying tension over time is unhealthy
Carrying that tension over time takes a psychological toll and stress levels rise while any kind of joy at work can diminish.
Financial strain adds another level that is often underplayed. Reduced income during maternity leave, reliance on UIF or no salary for months at a time creates vulnerability.
“When a mother is worried about money and provision for her family, her mental energy goes into survival rather than recovery, confidence or long-term planning,” Motene said. The pressure is magnified for single mothers without alternative financial support.
Even in workplaces with formal maternity policies, informal culture can undermine them. When additional breaks are discouraged, private spaces for expressing milk are not provided or overtime is still expected, the gap between policy and practice widens. That gap, Motene said, teaches women that safety is conditional.
Redefine what success looks like
Despite the negative, it does not have to be destabilising, said Motene.
“It becomes an opportunity to redefine success. Whether the return to work feels threatening or empowering depends largely on the environment. This transition becomes empowering when women are trusted, supported and allowed to redefine what career success looks like,” she said.
Motene said that if companies genuinely want to support working mothers beyond ticking legal boxes, change must be cultural rather than cosmetic.
“The biggest difference comes from everyday behaviour and not policies on paper,” she said.
When leaders show trust in the competence of working mothers, have honest conversations about workload and career ambitions, and protect flexibility without penalty, women are more likely to remain well and invested in their careers.
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