I was on a women-only prayer call recently and when all was prayed and done, one of the women on the call asked for a minute.
“Ladies,’ she began.
“This morning during my devotional, the Lord told me to tell you that you need to tend to your husbands; that your marital beds are too cold.” Mic drop!
Had it been a physical meeting, I guess we would have heard a pin drop. It took several seconds of silence after her announcement, then slowly the mics started coming alive, with admissions and nervous laughter. First, it was all in defence.
“When we said ‘I do’, someone should have warned us that after a certain age, good sex is just impossible to maintain.”
“For me, I put a pause on those activities for a 40-day fast, until my husband complained to a clergyman who rebuked me, saying I was opening up my marriage to temptation.”
Another said she was saving all the activity for a special occasion at least three months away, when she planned to reopen her shop with a bang! What started as a tense conversation soon had us laughing and bantering, throwing around advice and prayer points on the subject.
I love this about my church; no subject is too hot to handle. Anyway, the sobering moment came when a recently widowed member spoke up, saying she regularly played those petty sex ban/sex denial games even when she had the most devoted husband, often pushing him to his limits. When he died without much warning, all the time she had wasted hit her like a tonne of bricks.
“I have been listening to you all, and all I can say is, if you still have it, don’t waste it.” There was momentary silence, and when the microphones lit up again, there was a commitment to try harder.
Commitments to find help for those who felt their libidos had expired. Commitments to take it to the Lord in prayer. For the record, libidos don’t expire. The cells and hormones in our body may act up after a certain age and depend on lifestyle changes and supplementary diets, but, otherwise, the reggae never stops!
One of the women in her mid-fifties backed me on this, saying, “I have never had a problem with the sex in my marriage. It is still as hot and enjoyable as ever, and I never ever have an excuse not to make love to my husband. How? Why?”
Look, some spouses have caused their mates deep wounds that have not been addressed in the past, and without even realizing it, the couple starts growing apart. These are things that need to be dealt with, first.
Other couples have grappled with lukewarm, mediocre, unsatisfactory sex for years, until a time comes and one or both spouses decide, “ye nfa ki!? (what’s the point!)”
And like one of the women said, more wives than we can count do not know what to do about the age-related changes in their bodies, and simply roll over and let the sex aspect in their marriages die. Not an option.
Talk to a friend who knows a remedy. Talk to a therapist. Use Google, for goodness’ sake… People have their sacred stashes of items and hacks that help their sex lives, and they will not volunteer this information unless you speak up and ask for help.
I have heard about older men wearing Amezcua chi pendants (marketed through QNet) that are resetting their ‘engines’ to turbo…hmm! Anyway, the message may have come for the women in my church, but where is the harm in you fluking our chastisement moment? Don’t let your marital bed go cold. Action!
caronakazibwe@gmail.com
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