The other weekend found me at Lake Victoria Serena hotel, Kigo, where my pastor and his wife were celebrating 30 years in marriage.
As part of his speech, my pastor revealed he has served his wife a cup of tea in bed every morning for the last thirty years, and there was an audible gasp in the audience, before they started clapping and whooping.
It was a talking point for the rest of the evening – that, and the fact that he calls her “My Sugarcane Baby” in private – and by the time the night was over, there was no shadow of doubt as to why the Mukulus had sailed to thirty years.
Those of us who have watched Pastor Stephen Mukulu and his wife Juliet for decades, were not shocked they had reached this milestone. They are an openly affectionate couple, and do not go by any book that requires one’s piety and spiritual devotion to be measured by their level of physical misery or self-deprecation!
When I first started writing this column, I was not yet born-again, but, a year later, I gave my life to Christ and wondered what the pastor would say!
But while one vocal city pastor often called to lambast me for being “obsessed with sex”, my pastor encouraged me to continue writing about the subject to help struggling marriages, and he often invites me to facilitate married couples’ seminars at our church.
So, I was not surprised that they were celebrating thirty years. Mark you, twelve of those thirty years were also childless. They battled infertility quite publicly, even as he regularly prayed for other couples in a similar predicament and they would report back with bouncing testimonies.
Then in 2008 and again in 2011, God blessed them with babies, and it is those ‘babies’ that stood with them at Serena as best man and maid of honour as they renewed their vows. So, what is that one thing you will tell guests at your own celebration, without fear of being contradicted by your spouse, that you believe is what is holding your union together?
What are the small gestures you pull off and get certification as ‘still romantic after all these years?’ Like the Mukulus said, pay attention to the small things your spouse keeps mentioning even in passing – things they like or hate – and act upon them accordingly.
Those things don’t even have to be sexual in nature; they could be cravings, preferences, what they think of your closet and fashion sense, etc. I know a couple – now divorced – where the wife refused to give up her thongs, even when her husband hated them.
It is the only underwear style she bought, informing him often that he was backward. They divorced for other reasons, though, but a total disregard of a spouse’s feelings does not help a limping marriage.
If your husband loves long road trips to nowhere in particular and it is not necessarily your thing, why don’t you occasionally compromise and use that time to work on your bond, talk about so many issues in the marriage and discover new places together?
Seeing my pastor’s marriage through other guests’ eyes and speeches made me appreciate their milestone more. Apostle Charles Tumwine, who officiated the vows renewal and spoke glowingly about the Mukulus, also turned up with his wife and it was lovely seeing the obvious love between them too.
I am sure couples that turned up with unresolved marital issues, were challenged to start the conversation. Couples that had given up on an ‘aging’ love, were challenged to see the Mukulus still in love as ever, and saying they don’t regret choosing each other. Again, I challenge you; what have you done for her/him lately?
caronakazibwe@gmail.com
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