I know, this will not be a popular topic today, but hellooo, give your spouse a break. Please.
When they say you are a bit too much in your demands, sometimes it is not just an excuse to deny you intimacy; there is something such as an ‘overdose’ in sex too. And it can be suffered by either spouse, depending on whose libido is higher.
I know couples where the wife’s libido is way higher than the husband’s. When such a man asks for a break, grant it. It is not rejection. Even a car, when you try to force it into extra gears it does not possess, it will groan, heat up and even malfunction – if it does not kill you first.
No, no one is killing anyone for sex, but it is important that as a couple, you know each other’s sexual strengths and weaknesses, and be willing to adjust. After all, even when walking together, the taller spouse will instinctively shorten their strides or walk slower, to make it comfortable for their mate to keep up.
You cannot just stride off comfortably and be oblivious to the fact that your spouse is constantly in a light jog just to keep up. Exhausting! Lovemaking is not much different.
Sometimes, where a spouse complains that s/he is sexually dissatisfied, it is actually a case of differing libidos; their spouse has had enough and urgently wants a break, while for them they expect daily servings of the same. If your spouse matches you, aura for aura, hope you know how lucky you are!
Otherwise, sometimes after too much work in that department, your spouse may require a couple of days to allow the furniture to be rearranged, the sagging sponge to bounce back, the trampled grasses to regain their lushness, the place’s PH balance to be restored.
Allow that. It is to your benefit too, because you are breaking a daily routine that can quickly stop being enjoyable to one or both of you, as it becomes a quick fix to preconditioned thirst. Train your body in some self-censorship and discipline, for the sake of the quality of sex in your marriage.
“I never thought I would contemplate leaving my marriage, not for anything else, but for the ‘too much sex’,” one wife once shared with me.
“As long as my husband is home, he expects us to make love. Whether I am sick or healthy; whether I am sore from yesterday’s sessions or not; whether I’ve just had a baby or not. When I tried to reason with him, he started hitting on the maids I brought to help me, so now I actually don’t have maids – I have installed appliances.”
That husband’s failure to understand that his wife’s libido does not match his high one, ended up putting an unnecessary strain on the marriage and, yes, he has sired children elsewhere under this pretext of quenching his unquenched thirst.
Not everyone who complains that they are being denied sex by a spouse is accurate; some, when you probe further and ask when they were last intimate with their spouse, will angrily say: “Last week!”
Breaks are not always bad; if a break will allow your spouse to recharge and come back roaring with good sexual energy, then allow them that. Quality over quantity, always.
caronakazibwe@gmail.com
About the Author
