They say, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ and for Angela Nsimbi, those words are a lifemap written in pain, perseverance and purpose.
Diagnosed with psychosis and bipolar affective disorder, Nsimbi survived a mental breakdown so severe that once the beautiful world she enjoyed seemed meaningless at the time.
However, from that abyss she found light, her voice, faith, and a mission to shatter stigma surrounding mental health. Through writing and advocacy, she is showing the world that all is not lost whenever someone suffers episodes of mental breakdown.
As she prepares for the fourth edition of the Keturah Mental Health awards, The Observer caught up with her at her home in Najjeera.
“I had a thriving career working at the New Vision as a journalist,” Nsimbi began her story. “However, everything changed in 2009 when I began hearing weird voices in my head and I started talking non-stop.”
Although Nsimbi describes herself as a talkative person, talking alone from morning up to evening seemed abnormal and raised an alarm. A nurse had to be called in to sedate her.
“All I could do was talk non-stop and I could not do anything for myself like clean the house or take care of my children,” she recalled.
For the first one week after she was sedated, all she could do was sleep and only woke up to eat and breastfeed her then nine-month-old baby, who was also affected by the drugs through breast milk.
“The drugs would knock us out together with the baby and we just sleep,” she said, laughing lightly.
However, her mental breakdown was not an isolated incident. Months prior, she had experienced signs including less or no sleep at all, which showed something was not right.
Secondly, she had lost interest in her work, which was quite unusual. Unbeknown to her, all this was building up to a full-blown mental breakdown.
TRIGGERS
Talking about what could have triggered her situation, Nsimbi pointed out a number of things that could have resulted in the breakdown. As a mother of four at the time, she had a lot of stress concerning her marriage.
“I didn’t know how to resolve conflict in my marriage in a healthy way,” she said.
On the other hand, she pointed out unresolved childhood trauma, noting that it could have affected her adulthood as well.
“I was a people pleaser. I feared to make people annoyed and I did not want to be rejected, which made me not to have healthy boundaries,” she remarked. That build-up led to a mental breakdown she suffered in 2009, episodes that continued for five years.
SEEKING DIVINE AND MEDICAL HEALING
Nsimbi said she was lucky her husband took her to a pastor for prayers and not to a shrine as many Ugandans are wont to deal with mental illness.
“I remember my husband took me to Bishop Michael Kimuli who prayed for me,” she said.
Her husband, Benjamin Nsimbi, took their wedding album, which he showed the pastor as he inquired what could be done about his wife’s condition. The pastor prayed, then advised them to seek medical assistance as well.
At the hospital, she was diagnosed with psychosis, a condition that makes a person lose a sense of reality. On the second occasion, she was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder, a mental illness where moods vary.
“When you are too excited you can become disruptive to those around you. When you go into a depression, you stay there probably even two weeks or more,” she explained.
These two conditions affected her social life. She preferred to stay isolated, fearing public spaces.
CHOOSING TO LEAVE MEDICATION
After five years of taking the prescribed medicine, in 2014 Nsimbi felt it was time to stop taking it, despite doctors saying she had to take it for the rest of her life. By then she had slowly resumed working and had done some research about the medication she was taking, revealing some serious side effects.
“There is a medical workshop I attended and the doctors were talking about the disadvantages of prolonged use of psychotic medication which included being hypertensive or diabetic,” she remarked.
“When that was mentioned I said, how can one deal with having mental issues and suffering the side effects as well?”
Some of the other side effects of the medication, such as weight gain, had already started, which made her reflect on life and whether to continue with the medication. This made her turn to God through constant prayer and reading the Bible, realizing that she could not trust medicine alone. Although the doctors were against her decision, she had already made up her mind.
“I remember my doctor tried to talk me out of it and when I insisted, she made me sign a form consenting that I had chosen to leave the medication,” she said.
Leaving the medication made her find a new path of understanding human behaviour and how to control her emotions in order to achieve full recovery. She found consolation in Psalm 139:14 stating that she was fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image and needed no validation from people.
DEALING WITH THE STIGMA
There is limited awareness about mental health in Uganda, which results in stigmatization. Nsimbi’s story was not different.
“Most of my friends saw me from a distance after learning about my condition and I remember even the family house help left during that period,” she recalled.
Relatives felt uncomfortable talking about her condition and treated it as though it never happened.
“I remember the first time when I came back after I was admitted, people could not talk about it. It’s like I had just gone for a holiday.”
However, stigmatization did not end with family. She pointed out incidences where she was mocked at the hospital and some health workers being militaristic even when she did not put up a fight.
TURNING POINT
One would wonder how she transitioned from being a mental health patient to now an activist and advocate for the same.
“Healing is not a destination but a process.” Part of Nsimbi’s journey was her will to get better.
After stopping the medication, Nsimbi vowed to make herself better each and every day that passed, thanks to her late sister Keturah Kamugasa, who had also been her supervisor at New Vision. Kamugasa died in 2017.
“She was so supportive throughout my journey and encouraged me to get back into the workspace, pulling me out of my comfort zone of staying at home.”
Additionally, Nsimbi engaged so much in prayer and interacted with various people in the space of mental health, volunteering with support groups such as Heart Sounds Uganda and other projects through Butabika hospital.
“That space enabled me to know that I had hope and purpose. It has led me on the journey of being where I am so far,” she said.
In 2021, Nsimbi published her first book about mental health called I Am Not Bipolar and she has gone on to write more books and journals, a reflection of her resilience to get better.
She was one of the first people to come out and speak openly about her own mental health challenges and through activism and advocacy, she is breaking barriers and stereotypes surrounding mental health.
Through her organization Heart to Heart Chat Mental Health Program, she provides peer support through people sharing their lived experiences to support people with similar challenges.
KETURAH MENTAL HEALTH AWARDS
The Keturah Mental Health awards are a tribute to her late sister, who was very supportive during her healing journey.
Owing to her past experience, every year they honour and give awards to individuals, organisations, and initiatives that are working to reduce stigma around mental health, improve access to care and make a lasting impact.
With collaboration from the Ministry of Health’s Mental Health Department and other sponsors, this year’s will be the fourth edition of the awards, scheduled to take place on October 10 at Hotel Africana under the theme, Father Effect and Mental Health.
“We acknowledge the importance of fathers in the mental health space. When a father is not present it affects the children. It affects the whole dynamic in the family,” she explained the choice of theme.
Different individuals in the mental health field from Uganda and beyond will grace the ceremony, with the chief guest expected to be Justice Mike Chibita. Nsimbi called upon government to prioritise mental health, stressing that it remains a neglected yet critical area.
“Mental health cannot be ignored any longer; it affects individuals, families, and the entire society,” Nsimbi urged.
According to a survey by the Organization for Social Development Initiatives in Uganda (ODIPU) conducted in 2019, Butabika National Mental Referral Hospital had 1,500 patients, yet the facility only has 500 beds.
Despite the growing mental health challenges, Uganda currently has only 60 psychiatrists to serve the entire population, highlighting a severe shortage of specialized care.
“With such limited resources, many people are left without the help they desperately need,” she added.
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